spine is on fire. when i was younger i would have told you that my kundalini was rising, nowadays it is meningitis..
My mind is ablaze with thoughts of cancer and what would have happened to me if i didn’t do the treatment that i chose. But that really wasn’t an option. The last few months I have been either sick with virus which have led to meningitis again or I have been awake with thoughts and then sleeping on the flip side a ton. I don’t really recognize much about myself anymore except my brain and my thoughts and once in while I recognize my energy surge, like riding in the cadillac
tonight with the top down on the way back from Sunset Beach after a nice dinner with my Dad and family, listening to Goyte and recording Logan rocking out. I felt like my old self. I just can’t look at my self in the video because I don’t know that person. How do I come to embrace who I am now? So hard on myself, after what I have just been through the last three years. I need to gain some sense of kindness and love so I can heal and stop judging my external self so much. I have made it through the hardest part I hope.
I would like to heal all over and get truly healthy again but ultimately I just want to be here for my Logan, my son and the rest of my family.
When do I soften to myself? I have softened so much to the rest of the world. isn’t there a time that I can give myself a break as well. The sleeping that I have been doing just the last few days is finally feeling like what I have needed for awhile. I imagine that if i can do some more of that, that i will find some stamina again. that this virus will leave my spine again and neurological system.
these words were keeping me awake. Time to sleep now, Wendy girl! Good night!