spine is on fire. when i was younger i would have told you that my kundalini was rising, nowadays it is meningitis..

My mind is ablaze with thoughts of cancer and what would have happened to me if i didn’t do the treatment that i chose. But that really wasn’t an option. The last few months I have been either sick with virus which have led to meningitis again or I have been awake with thoughts and then sleeping on the flip side a ton. I don’t really recognize much about myself anymore except my brain and my thoughts and once in while I recognize my energy surge, like riding in the cadillac 

tonight with the top down on the way back from Sunset Beach after a nice dinner with my Dad and family, listening to Goyte and recording Logan rocking out. I felt like my old self. I just can’t look at my self in the video because I don’t know that person. How do I come to embrace who I am now? So hard on myself, after what I have just been through the last three years. I need to gain some sense of kindness and love so I can heal and stop judging my external self so much. I have made it through the hardest part I hope.

I would like to heal all over and get truly healthy again but ultimately I just want to be here for my Logan, my son and the rest of my family.

When do I soften to myself? I have softened so much to the rest of the world. isn’t there a time that I can give myself a break as well. The sleeping that I have been doing just the last few days is finally feeling like what I have needed for awhile. I imagine that if i can do some more of that, that i will find some stamina again. that this virus will leave my spine again and neurological system.

these words were keeping me awake. Time to sleep now, Wendy girl! Good night!

Wendy Tarlow

http://www.teamtarlowsaa.com